Stress: Our buttons get pressed

Automatic pilot

Does this sound familiar….

You are driving your car on a route you know well. You suddenly realise that for miles, you’ve been driving quite unaware of your surroundings, totally lost in thoughts….

We can be miles away without even knowing it. We can rush through life without really touching it. On automatic pilot we are more likely to have our ‘buttons pressed’ by events and people around us. We slip into old habits and unhelpful ways of thinking and worsening mood. 

But we do not have to go down the same old mental ruts that may cause these problems. Difficulties or suffering are part of life. It is how we relate and adapt to life stress and difficulties that makes the difference between whether they rule our lives.

Our Tricky Brains

Parts of our human brains were designed over half a billion years ago. When we meet modern day difficulties and stress, they are still running from sabre toothed tigers and other terrifying prehistoric animals. Evolution is a slow, slow process! We are designed to survive (rather than thrive) and this ‘old brain’ activity is designed to keep us 'safe' (alive).  Our brains are not perfect, its is not our fault, but we can work with them; training our brain to rewire and respond to life experiences rather than react instinctively.  See this evolutionary mismatch explained so well by Dr Russ Harris in the 3 minute clip above.

Becoming more Aware, more often

Increasing our awareness, we can respond to situations with choice rather than reacting automatically. If we can be more awake/aware, we begin to know what we’re thinking, feeling and sensing directly rather than getting lost.

“Symptoms of illness or distress, plus your feelings about them, can be viewed as messengers coming to tell you something important about your body or your mind.”

– Jon Kabat-Zinn, Full Catastrophe Living

Mindfulness

That ‘space’  Viktor Frankl refers to, is the present moment. Mindfulness is bringing our attention to what’s going on for me now, this moment. My thoughts, my emotions, sensations. The mind is often scattered and lost in thought because it’s very busy working away in the background on “unfinished tasks” from the past; and worrying, planning or striving for the future.

The accurate translation for mindfulness is ‘to remember’. Remembering to come back to the present. Bringing our mind back.  So simple, but remembering to do that is difficult! It takes training and persistence to re-wire our brain to function this way. 

How do I ‘do’ it? 

1.Research demonstrates that we can train & learn to become mindfully aware of whatever is foremost in our moment-by-moment experience. So, if the mind is being repeatedly drawn to a particular place, we deliberately and intentionally take a friendly awareness to that place. That is the first step. 

2. The second step is to notice, as best we can, how we are relating to whatever is arising in that place.  If we like it, we tend to hold onto it. If we do not like it because it is uncomfortable in some way, we tend to contract, or push away. These automatic reactions lie at the roots of stress and suffering. So, getting to know how we relate to what’s arising during meditation practice for example, can provide insights into how we relate to our life.

Attitudes we bring to our awareness and attention are vital.  An attitude of patience and non-judgemental curiosity sits alongside this awareness.

Compassion 

How do we deal with moments which are especially difficult and painful?

Compassion is a positive emotion that is rooted in goodwill. It's a sensitivity to stress and pain (of ourselves and others) and a commitment to relieve and prevent it (Paul Gilbert). Compassion is rooted in wisdom, balance (equanimity), empathy and kindness; it enables us to be with the pain we meet as part of being human.

In Latin, ‘passion’ relates to suffering. Compassion is a human capacity, it is present in all of us, but it has not always had the conditions to grow. The now-abundant research demonstrates that the skills of compassion can be cultivated. Read research articles by Dr. Kristin Neff and others.

We all wish to be heard and understood - to feel felt

Accepting and living with our own imperfections - as well as those of others- is some gift to give ourselves and those close to us. Human beings look to one another for support and interaction. Compassion is about finding a way to care for ourselves and for others, when we are stressed and suffering, in a balanced way.

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